Posts Tagged ‘Funny Cat Quotes’

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

- Bruce Graham

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

- Anonymous

Cats are dangerous companions for writers because cat watching is a near-perfect method of writing avoidance.

- Dan Greenburg

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

- Anonymous

While the rest of the human race is descended from monkeys, redheads derive from cats.

- Robert A. Heinlein

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

- Anonymous

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, “What’s in it for me?”

- Lewis Grizzard

“Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.”

-  Anonymous

“People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.”

- Faith Resnick

“My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.”

- Anonymous

“The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.”

- Anonymous

When a cat speaks, it’s because it has something to say, unlike humans who are the great refuse containers of speech.

- V.L. Allineare

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat.

- Lillian Johnson

“I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…”

- Steve Martin

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”

- Abraham Lincoln

“I really am a cat transformed into a woman.”

- Brigitte Bardot

“Only astrophysicists knew about the Internet 20 years ago. Today my cat has a website.”

- Bill Clinton, as quoted by Rick Van Sant (Scripps Howard News Service)

“It doesn’t matter if a cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice.”

- Den Xiaoping

“All dogs look up to you. All cats look down on you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal.”

- Winston Churchill

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty.”

- Ernest Hemingway

“What greater gift than the love of a cat?”

- Charles Dickens

“Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.”

- Jim Davis (Garfield creator)

“I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat”

- Edgar Allan Poe

“One cat just leads to another.”

- Ernest Hemingway

“The smallest feline is a masterpiece”

- Leonardo Da Vinci

“Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched.”

- Miguel de Cervantes

“When they are among us, cats are angels.”

- George Sand

“Cats of good breed hunt better fat than lean.”

- Benvenuto Cellini

If the claws didn’t retract, cats would be like Velcro.

- Bruce Fogle

There are only five things really worth drawing; four of them are pretty girls and the fifth is cats.

- Robert A. Heinlein

Bill Clinton, referring to the strained relationship between his two pets (Socks the cat and Buddy the dog), said that “I did better with the Palestinians and the Israelis… than I’ve done with Socks and Buddy.”

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“Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.”
- Robert Benchley

“If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t either.”
- Unknown Author

I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he’s a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.
- Larry Amoros

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, “Woof!”
The other replies, “Moo!”
The dog is perplexed. “Moo? Why did you say, ‘Moo’?”
The other dog says, “I’m trying to learn a foreign language.”
- Morey Amsterdam

Some dogs live for praise. They look at you as if to say “Don’t throw balls… just throw bouquets.”
- Jhordis Anderson

I have a dog so mean, he ate the neighbor’s weenie dog. Now he’s a bratweiler.
- Nick Arnette

Thank God for machines. They can make a dog sing!
- Christopher Atkins

A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.
- Unknown Author

A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him.
- Unknown Author

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
- Unknown Author

Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one.
- Unknown Author

Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly.
- Unknown Author

It’s no coincidence that man’s best friend cannot talk.
- Unknown Author

Never judge a dog’s pedigree by the kind of books he does not chew.
- Unknown Author

There is only one smartest dog in the world, and every boy has it.
- Unknown Author

To err is human—to forgive, canine.
- Unknown Author

“The more people I meet the more I like my dog”
- Unknown Author

“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.”
- Bonnie Schacter

“My dog, she looks at me sometimes with that look, and I think maybe deep down inside she must know exactly how I feel. But then maybe she just wants the food off my plate.”
- Unknown Author

“Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.”
– Sigmund Freud

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
– Robert A. Heinlein

In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.
- Edward Abbey

It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.
- Edward Abbey

“A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn’t care if you’re not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.”
- Louis Sabin

In a dog-eat-dog world, it is the dogmatic domain of dog lovers to offer dodge a dog’s chance to rise above the dog days for a doggone good time.
- AKC Gazette, August 1991

When a dog wants to hang out the “Do Not Disturb” sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.
- Ramona C. Albert

Asthma doesn’t seem to bother me any more unless I’m around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.
- Steve Allen

“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
– Franklin P. Jones

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
– Ann Landers

“Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window”
- Steve Bluestone

“Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.”
- Agatha Christie

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey

My Labrador retriever had a nervous breakdown. I kept throwing him a boomerang.
- Nick Arnette

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